


I Have Feelings

by The_Little_Momaid



Series: I Have Feelings [1]
Category: New Girl
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-01-30 19:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12659763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Little_Momaid/pseuds/The_Little_Momaid
Summary: An alternate Season 6 finale fic. What would happen if Jess didn't leave before Nick's admission at the book reading.





	1. Feelings at a Book Reading

“I love you Nick Miller. Always have, always will.”

The reflection in the mirror stared back at her, and Jess was certain if she just practiced a couple more times she could get it right.

“Nicholas Miller, I’m in love with you.”

“Hey Miller, I love you.”

“Nick, I still love you.”

“UGH!” Jess shouted and stormed away from the mirror, leaving the bathroom. She crept back into the main hallway where the chairs were filled up with teens waiting to hear Nick read. She stood in the back next to some parents, trying not to draw attention to herself. Before she knew it, the entire space was filled and she was most definitely _trapped_. That’s when she saw Nick, standing next to the owner of the bookstore- her heart exploded immediately. _Well, I’m definitely not over him_. Jess thought to herself, if the pang in her chest was any indication. Her eyes got misty, and she blinked away the tears, looking down at her feet. After she composed herself, Jess looked up and saw Nick at the podium.

“Hey everyone, ah thank you for coming. I’ll a- I’ll just get right into this I guess.” Nick began. 

Jess felt many things listening to his voice read the excerpt from _The Pepperwood Chronicles_.

Pride for sure. This was _her_ Nick Miller, standing up there and reading his book. A book she was a part of. A book he dedicated to her. _That must mean something, right?_

She felt nervous - nauseous even – at the thought of what she came to do. She left Portland, left her safety net, left all chances of just moving on and leaving Nick and her feelings for him in the past. She couldn’t do it anymore. She needed to tell him. She needed to look him in his beautiful brown eyes and say it.

She felt confident. At least, she thought she did. She knew what she wanted to say, had written it all down on flashcards so she couldn’t back out and pretend to get tongue tied. That helped, a little. _Maybe Cece was right though. Maybe the songs are a bad choice?_ She thought. _Nah, the songs are a great choice. This is a great choice. Just stick with the plan Day._ Jess knew if she second guessed herself anymore she would lose her cool and go running back to Cece or her dad. Anywhere that wasn’t here. And she couldn’t do that.

Jess felt worried. _Is it too soon after Reagan?_ They had just broken up. Like _just_ broken up. Jess knew how Nick was after he ended relationships. He was a delicate little flower, even if he didn’t want to admit it. _What if he doesn’t feel it back?_ No- no more doubt. No more second guessing. No more stalling. No more running. Jess knew what she felt, and she knew what she had to do.

Jess felt love. Love, maddening love, for Nick Miller. Undeniable, intense, passionate love. _The kind of love you fight for._ And that is what she intended to do.

 

“the two sat in silence in the hot New Orleans night, waiting for the words that would never come.”

As his reading came to an end, Jess clapped loudly with the rest of the audience, looking around proudly at how much everyone loved the book. It made her chest tighten with happiness to see it. And Nick, standing at the podium, looking as humble and handsome as ever.

 

Jess was trying to figure out in her head how best to approach him at this point. _He still thinks I’m in Portland. I can’t just jump out in front of him, that would scare the crap out of him_. It was then she heard him open the floor for questions.

“When are Pepperwood and Jessica Night going to get together?” A young lady asked. The other audience members agreed. _Yeah when are we? I’d like to know that too…_

“I’ll just cut to it, guys”, Nick began. _Oh here we go. Should I be here for this?_ “Uh, Pepperwood and Jessica Night will never get together. Never”

 _Wait, what?_ That was new. _Never?_

 The audience murmured, clearly upset over this declaration.

“I’m sorry. You guys, stop. Its just, look. These characters, they-they are based off real people. A-and the real people are just fundamentally different.”

 _Oh no. OH NO._ _Fundamentally different? How could he think that?_

“They don’t work together”

_Don’t work together?_

“It’s just never gona happen. You just got to forget about it. Move on from it.”

_Never. Gonna. Happen._

Jess felt her stomach drop to the floor. She felt like she got hit by a MAC truck. She felt- no. She couldn’t. _Not here. I need to get out of here._

Jess looked around frantically for a way out. There were too many people around her. She spun in a circle, like a dog chasing its tail. _God please let me just get out. Before he sees me. Before I lose it._

Then she heard him again and froze in her tracks, eyes locked on the ground.

“And also, you know, Pepperwood, he blew it. Sometimes you don’t get another chance, you know, to fix the mistake.”

_Oh Nick._

“it’s just… look adult relationships are really complicated. So let’s hear it for books!”

He clapped to try to bring the mood up, and everyone around her started to move again.

 _Oh Nick. Is that what you think? You didn’t blow it. I did. But maybe we can still fix it._  

Jess looked up from the ground, trying to see over the heads of the parents and young adults to where Nick went.

There.

She saw him walking towards the front door and knew she needed a new plan. The flashcards, the songs, it was all wrong. It would just overcomplicate things.

Her feet started to move toward Nick, but her brain was still trying to come up with a plan.

_Just say it. Three words, Jessica. Just say it like you did in the mirror._

She had approached him from behind but could tell he had his phone in his hands, typing or clicking something on the screen.

Two more steps and she was right behind him, taking a deep breath and opening her mouth-

Her phone rang. She looked down, quietly cursing to herself. It was Nick calling her, of course. She looked up in an instant to see that Nick had turned around after hearing the noise behind him, phone to his ear and staring slightly open mouthed at Jess in front of him.

“Jess?!” Nick asked, incredulously.

She smiled, and gave a halfhearted wave of her right hand, ending the call in her left.

“Hey Miller.” She said.

Nick instantly brightened, sliding his phone into his pocket and stepping towards Jess.

“Hey Day.”

“I-“ Jess began. She couldn’t get the words out. Not after finally being this close to him again after so long.

“I missed you, Day. Come here” Nick enveloped her in a warm embrace, and her senses were filled with Nick. _This isn’t helping, get it together Day._

“When did you get back? Is everything okay? Why were you gone so long? Did you hear the book reading?” Nick asked, excitedly trying to get something from Jess. He really did miss her. He missed talking to her. And hugging her. And spending time with her. And looking into those ocean blue eyes. And smelling her sweet, fruity hair. And- _Woah, there buddy. Slow down. Where did that come from?_ Nick thought. You just miss her, that’s all. _Get it together Miller._

“Nick, look there’s something I need to talk to you about. I-“

“Excuse me. Nick Miller? My name is Merle Streep. I’m an editor, I publish children’s books.” A man had approached them, extending a hand out to Nick.

“Oh hello. Look I’m in the middle of something right now. Can this-“

“I’d like to talk to you about publishing your book.”

“Oh my god! Really? Nick that’s incredible!” Jess exclaimed.

“You want to publish my book?” Nick asked.

“Well, yes. I do believe I just said that.” Merle looked at Nick a little more closely.

“You want to publish MY book?”

“Again, yes. I really enjoyed.”

“You, a publisher, want to publish my BOOK?”

Merle looked toward Jess. “Is this how he normally acts?”

“No, I think he’s just excited.” Jess looked toward Nick, a huge smile on her face.

“Well, here. Take my card and when you’ve calmed down a bit, give me a call so we can set up a meeting.” Merle said, extending his arm toward Nick.

Nick just stared at the card. After a few awkward moments, Jess grabbed the card and said thanks to Merle. As she walked to stand in front of Nick- who was still frozen, staring at the spot Merle had been standing in- she tried to look up at him and break him out of this trance.

“Oh my gosh, Nick! I’m so proud of you! ……… Nick?”

“He wants to publish my book?” Nick whispered, finally looking at Jess. A small smile creeping up his face.

“He wants to publish your book!” Jess laughed/yelled. She was so happy, so proud, so genuinely impressed with how far he had come.

“He wants to publish my book!!” Nick yelled, grabbing Jess and sweeping her up into a hug, lifting her into the air and spinning her.

As the two laughed and reveled in their shared joy, Nick felt something pang in his heart. And when he placed Jess down on the ground, so close in front of him, sharing her breathlessness and looking into her crystal blue eyes he felt it again. He hadn’t felt that pang in while. Not with Reagan,  not with Kai, not with anyone since Jess. _What are you doing, bro? Stop that._

Nick hadn’t let go of Jess, and Jess hadn’t stepped away. Her arms were still wrapped around his neck, his still around her waist.

_Now, Jess. Do it now._

“Reagan and I broke up.” Nick shared, before Jess got the chance to say anything.

“I’m sorry, Nick.” Jess truly was sorry. She knew that he cared for Reagan and that this couldn’t be an easy time for him

“Honestly, Jess, I’m okay. I didn’t think I would be this okay, but maybe I wasn’t as into her as I thought.” _Maybe because you’re into someone else. Someone with shiny, soft hair and a cute laugh that fills the room with sunshine. Someone who talks to you. Who makes you talk back._ Nick was taken aback by that internal monologue. He had kept those Jess feelings hidden deep inside him, buried underneath layers of fear – fear of losing her completely. He couldn’t have them coming up and risk ruining their friendship. Finally after getting it back to a semblance of normalcy.

“Oh, well that’s good to hear. Not that it’s good you weren’t into her, but good that you’re doing better.” Jess broke away a little, feeling self-conscious now that Reagan was brought up.  

“Well now I’m even better. I have my Jess back. I really missed you, ya know.” Nick said, running his hand through his hair. _Smooth, real smooth._

“I really missed you too.” Jess replied.

“Look, I have a couple things to finish up here but how about we meet at the loft in, say an hour? I really could use some Jess time.”

“Sure Nick, that sounds good. I have something I want to talk to you about anyway.”

“Oh, really? Is everything okay?” Nick was suddenly worried.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I’ll see you soon.”

Jess turned and walked quickly away, leaving Nick to wonder what she could possibly have to say to him next.


	2. Feelings at Jaipur Aviv

Chapter 2

 

“Cecelia, you better not have any pants on!” Schmidt yelled to his wife as he opened his front door. 

“Schimdt! Jar!” Nick yelled, as he sat on the couch next to a sheepish looking Cece. 

“It’s my own home, Nick, no jar!” Schmidt put down his work bag and went to sit on the couch next to Cece. “To what do we owe this mildly irritating drop by during what was supposed to be our no pants dinner date, Nicholas?” 

Nick paused, a small frown on his face. “Ugh, stop Schmidt, I don’t want to hear about your no pants time with Cece. Look, it’s about Jess.”

Nick got up from the couch and began to pace, while Cece and Schimdt shared a look. 

“What about her, Nick?” Cece gently nudged. She hadn’t heard from Jess since she dropped her off at the bok reading and didn’t want to overshare if Jess hadn’t told Nick. But goodness she was curious. 

“She’s back from Portland, came to my book reading and now I’m freaking out because she wants to talk to me about something. Whenever a girl says that to me it never ends well! What do I do? I’m supposed to meet her at the loft soon.” Nick rambled and his voice got high in that panicked Nick way. 

“Look, I’m sure it's nothing bad. Did she say anything to you at the book reading?” Cece asked.

“No, and now I feel like an idiot. What if she’s mad about what I said at the book reading? I didn’t know she was there!” Nick sat back down on the couch, head in hands looking defeated.

“What did you say at the book reading?!” Schmidt and Cece exclaimed at the same time. 

Without looking up from his hands, Nick replied, “Some little girl asked me when Pepperwood and Night would get together and I told her they wouldn’t”  _ Oh well that explains why she didn’t tell him _ thought Cece. “and I should have left it at that, but then I said that Pepperwood fucked up and blew it and that you don’t get a second chance to fix a mistake and that must have freaked her out!” Nick looked up from his hands, desperately searching Cece and Schmidt’s faces for any sign of how to fix what he thought was the biggest mistake of his life. 

“Nick I’m sure that couldn’t have been -”

“It must have been.” Nick interjected, “What else could it have been?”

Cece and Schmidt shared another glance. “ _ We have to tell him _ ” Schmidt’s eyes glared at Cece. “ _ We can’t get involved! They have to figure it out on their own” _  Cece raised her eyebrow. After their shared eye conversation, they turned back to Nick. 

“I’m gona go, I’ll leave you two to chat.” Cece got up from the couch leaving Schmidt and Nick alone.

 

“Nicholas” Schmidt began “why did you say that? About Pepperwood and Night?”

“Well, cause it’s true. But I wouldn’t have-”

Schmidt interrupted “Ah, stop right there. I know you wouldn’t have said the last part if you knew Jess was there. But you said it for a reason to begin with, right?”

Nick paused. “Well yeah, I don’t want to lie to my readers, what kind of author would I be?”

“So you truly think  _ Pepperwood _ blew it with  _ Night _ ?” Schmidt placed a weird emphasis on the character’s names. 

Again, Nick paused. If he was being truthful with himself, he knew that it was really  _ Miller _ that had blown it with  _ Day _ . But he was barely being truthful with himself and wasn’t about to be truthful with Schmidt. 

“Yeah, just Pepperwood. No one else.” Nick winced.  _ Dammit. Learn how to lie, Miller. _

Schmidt just looked at him, boring a hole through his soft center. 

“ _ Fine _ . If that’s the case, why wouldn’t you want Jessica to hear the last bit, then? Hmm? It’s just about the  _ characters _ , right? No one else? Why would it matter if Jess heard that?”

_ Because I was talking about Jess and I.  _

There was a long pause, and Nick was avoiding eye contact at all costs. He could tell Schmidt was getting more and more agitated. 

“Schmidt, why are you so grumpy? I came to you for advice, man!” 

“Because, Nicholas, I want to tell you something but I can’t.” Schmidt barked back. “So let me ask you this. Let’s step away from the book reading for a moment. Why do you think you’re so okay with this Reagan break up?” 

Nick shrugged. “We’re at different places in our lives. What do you think Jess wants to talk to me about, Schmidt?!” Nick blew past the Reagan question without much thought.  _ Why are we talking about Reagan? We should be talking about how I always screw things up with Jess. _

“Nick, why do you care so much? Just cause you guys are pretty good friends? Or is it something else?” Schmidt didn’t wait for Nick’s response “Nicholas, you didn’t even want her to move into the loft, and now you’re freaking out over how you  _ maybe _ upset her over a comment about two characters in a  _ book _ . Why. Do. You. Think. That. Is?” Schmidt punctuated the last sentence. 

“Because I’m afraid!” Nick yelled. “I’m afraid of screwing things up with her. She means too much to me.” 

“Is that it?” Schmidt asked, more gently. 

_ No _ . Nick thought. He looked down at his hands again, his mind whirling.  _ If Jess was just a friend, would I really care this much? _ He doesn’t care this much, isn’t this afraid, when he says the wrong thing in front of Winston or Schmidt.  _ It’s not the same thing. They’re not Jess. _

“Why are you so afraid of her, Nick?”

“Because I-” Nick stopped.  _ Because I love her. _

“You what?” Schmidt knew that something was clicking in Nick’s brain. He hated that he needed to lead the horse to the water, but hopefully Nick would drink on his own. 

“I love her, Schmidt. That’s why I’m so afraid of messing it up. Of losing her. Of her. She petrifies me, Schmiddy.” Nick looked up, his eyes misty.  _ Oh boy, Miller _ . 

“Nick you have been in love with this girl since the moment you opened the loft door and first laid eyes on her. Did you really think those feelings just went away after you guys broke up?”

Nick looked back down at his hands, shaking his head.  _ Hell no. _ Looking back on that time since, he’d been kidding himself. Thinking he was over Jess, that he didn’t love her. That he didn’t  _ want _ her. 

“What do I do, Schmidt? She still wants to talk to me. I still might have blown it.”   


“For the first time in your life, Nick, don’t be afraid.” Schmidt put his hand on Nick’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. 

Nick shook his head. “No, Schmidt. It wouldn’t be the first time.” 

Nick’s mind instantly flashed back to the night he first kissed Jess. He wasn’t afraid then. He wasn’t afraid when he stopped the elevator and picked her up, carrying her to his bed the night they first made love. He wasn’t afraid when he said ‘I love you’ the first time to her as she drove away in the limo. Truthfully, anytime he truly was brave, wonderful things happened. Especially with Jess. 

“Schmidt, I need to go.” Nick stood up. 

“I know.” Schmidt stood, and the men embraced in not an overly “manly” way either. 

“Go get her.” Schmidt smacked Nick on the ass, as he turned toward the door. 

“Ugh, God, Schmidt way to ruin the moment.” Nick said, slamming the door behind him. 

Schmidt sighed in relief as he watched Nick exit his home. _ Good luck, buddy. _

\- - - - - - - - - -  

Nick ran from his car to the front door of the apartment complex.  _ Good, I’m a little early. Time to come up with a plan. _

Nick stopped dead in his tracks when he made it to the door and saw Jess rounding the corner. 

_ Dammit, there goes your head start.  _ Nick waited with the door open for Jess to look up from whatever it was she was holding in her hands.  _ Are those flashcards? Why would she have flashcards. _ As Jess approached the front door, Nick cleared his throat and her head snapped up. Clearly startled, she dropped the pile of flashcards in her hands. “Oh! God, Nick you scared me. Oh, no my flashcards!” Jess dropped to her knees and began picking up her flash cards in a flurry. 

“Oh here, let me help you Jess” Nick sunk down to his knees and started to pick up a flashcard.

“No, don't!” Jess shouted. Nick looked up from the flashcard he was about to grab as Jess’ hand snatched it from under him.  

Nick looked inquisitively at Jess. “You okay?”

Jess looked up from picking up the last of her flash cards to see Nick looking directly into her eyes. Oh boy, she was closer than he thought.  _ Close enough to just reach out and kiss. No, not yet. The moment has to be right.   _

The two stayed locked in a staring match, intensity mounting, when Nick broke away to stand up. “Ah, well shall we?” He held the door out for her and as she stood up, he could swear he saw something in her eyes as the moment passed.  _ Disappointment? _ No- it couldn’t be. His heart was playing tricks on his eyes now, too.  _ Good God Miller, pull it together. _

As the pair walked into the building, Nick hung back a moment to watch Jess. It had been a while since he  _ really _ looked at her, and he wanted to take in all the Jess details he had missed while being a fool. Like the way her hair bounced when she walked, or the curve of her back, or the way her eyes lit up when she turned to look at him. 

“You coming?” Jess has small smile on her face.  _ She totally caught me checking her out. _

The pair entered the elevator, and Nick pressed the button to bring them to their floor. “So ah, I was thinking we could maybe make some popcorn and watch a movie?” As Jess opened her mouth to answer, the elevator made a loud groaning noise, followed by a popping sound. And then it stopped moving. 

“What the hell?!” Nick looked around, and began furiously pushing buttons. He rang the alarm, pressed the CALL FIRE button, but nothing seemed to be working. 

“Oh my God, are we stuck?!” Jess began to panic. She could feel the effects of her claustrophobia start to take.

Nick sensed her panic and immediate turned to her, grabbing her hands and pulling her to look at him directly. “Hey Jess, it’s okay. We’re gona get out. You’re safe. Come here.” With that, Nick enveloped Jess in his arms, holding her tightly and gently rocking her. Jess instantly felt a wave of calm surround her as she breathed in Nick’s scent and felt his strong, supportive arms around her. Her breathing slowed, the panic subsided, and she relaxed into his arms. 

Nick could tell she was calming down, so he continued to hold her and rock her for what seemed like an eternity. Nick felt at home, with Jess in his arms, and he realized for the second time that day how stupid he was for thinking he could ever move on from her.  _ Tell her. Do it now. _

“Jess, look there’s something-”

“Anyone there? This is Officer Bishop, responding to your distress call.”

Winston’s voice called out from above the elevator. 

“Ugh, Winston! Help, we’re stuck! It’s Nick and me.” Jess said as she broke free from Nick’s embrace.

Nick felt his stomach drop as she stepped away from him, instantly missing the feel of her against him. 

“Oh, hey guys! Jess, welcome back!” Winston yelled.

“Hi, thanks!”

“Winston, what’s going on?” Nick yelled, trying to mask the disappointment of being apart from Jess in his voice. He was a little freaked out at how strong and intense his feelings for Jess were. He knew, deep down, they were always there, and he guessed that now since he was fully embracing them they were making up for lost time. 

“Well, I got good news and bad news. The good news is, they know what broke. The bad news is, the part is at a warehouse about 2 hours away. So y’all are stuck for a while.” 

“What?!”

Jess and Nick both looked at each other, half in panic at being stuck in an elevator, and half in fear over what they might say to each other alone like this. 

“Have no fear, Winny is here! I’m not going anywhere, I’ll keep you guys company.”

Jess breathed a sigh of relief, while Nick sighed in agitation. _ Looks like I won’t be telling her any time soon. _

“So, guys whats- Oh wait a second.”

Jess and Nick exchanged a glance. 

“Oh, sugar honey iced tea, guys I gotta go! Armed robbery and chase time! There’s a maintenance dude here waiting for the part, he’ll check in on you. Sorry, duty calls!”

“Winston! Winston, wait! WINSTON!” Jess called out. 

_ Boy, she really doesn’t want Winston to leave _ .  _ Wonder why that is. _

Nick looked at Jess, smiled and said “Well looks like it’s just us, Day. So, what do you want to do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO MUCH for the response on this story! It means the world (: Another huge thank you to my BETA lockedinabirdcage on tumblr! 
> 
> Final chapter up next week!


	3. Feelings in an Elevator

Nick looked at Jess, smiled and said “Well looks like it’s just us, Day. So, what do you want to do?”

 

_ I really want to kiss you _ , Jess thought to herself. Since that was a little forward for their current situation she settled on, “oh uhm, whatever. We won’t be stuck for too long. Two hours is doable.”

 

The panic she was feeling currently was not just from the enclosed, small elevator the pair were stuck in, although that was not helping at all to calm her racing heart. 

 

It seemed like Nick could hear the tremors in her voice, because he moved closer to her, put his hand on her arm and said it a calming voice, “Jess, it's okay. We’re gona get out, and we’ll be fine. I know you hate small spaces, but let me help take your mind off of this. We’ll be out in no time”. 

 

It was quite convenient for Jess that Nick thought her nervousness was just her claustrophobia and not certain other feelings.

 

Nick backed away to the wall of the elevator, slid down and sat on the ground with his back to it. He patted the ground next to him, motioning for Jess to sit next to him.  _ Just a normal, friendly sit down. You can do this. _

 

Jess sat down next to Nick, with a couple inches of buffer space between them. She didn’t trust herself if her side was going to be directly next to Nick, feeling his warmth and strength, reminding her of other warm, strong, hard places on his -  _ WOAH okay nope. Stop right there. Do NOT get twirly, Jessica.  _

 

As the pair sat in the silence of the elevator, they could faintly hear whistling from up above. 

 

“Must be the maintenance dude Winston mentioned” Nick said, gesturing up toward the ceiling and the next floor beyond it. 

 

“Must be.” Jess replied. It was shorter and harsher than she had meant, and when she turned to look at Nick, meaning to apologize for her harsh tone, she found him staring intensely back at her, a look in his eye she hadn’t seen in quite some time. 

 

“Nick?”

 

“At the book reading, you said you wanted to talk to me about something. Is everything okay?” Nick looked very concerned. 

 

“Oh, yeah everything’s fine. I was just gona talk to you about Portland and stuff.” Jess said, trying to wave off the weight of the conversation he was unknowingly starting.

 

“Why did you leave Jess? It was really tough, you not being here, ya know?”

 

Jess looked down and away from Nick’s gaze. She felt horrible lying to him. She knew she would eventually have to tell him the truth. She just wished it was in a better place than a broken down elevator. 

 

“Uhm, well I had told you my dad was sick. But ah, that’s not one hundred percent true. And I’m so sorry for lying to you Nick. I hate lying to you.”

 

Jess took a deep breath and went to open her purse, but before she could get to it Nick had leaned over and grabbed her hands, pulling them and her to look at him. 

 

Jess looked at Nick fully this time, hand in hand, so much unsaid between them. Sure, Nick looked worried and grumpy all the time, but there was something else there, hidden behind his eyes that Jess couldn’t quite place. Maybe he was more shaken about their time apart that she thought. Looking back on their years together, Jess couldn’t pinpoint a time in their lives where they were that separated from each other for such a long time.  _ Maybe I really did hurt him, just leaving that. _

 

In that moment, Jess was glad she didn’t pull the flashcards out. They felt silly and forced, they didn’t communicate nearly enough of what she wanted to say or the weight of her feelings towards him.

 

Jess was also glad she got another moment to look at Nick, because the  _ something _ was back in his eyes that she had briefly seen moments ago, and that gave her a surge of bravery. She knew that look. It just been years since she had seen it.

 

“What did you lie about Jess? Is everything okay?” Nick’s look changed into a worried turtle face that Jess found endearing and mildly infuriating depending on her mood. Now it just made her sad. She felt so guilty about causing Nick distress and lying to him. But now was her time to make it right.

 

“Everything’s okay now. I promise. I just needed some space to figure some stuff out. Honestly, uhm- it was just a lot harder than I thought it would be.” Jess looked back down, tears pricking her eyes.

 

“What was, Jess?” 

 

Jess looked back up, into Nick’s eyes. She took a deep breath. 

 

“Watching you with Reagan. Seeing you together- it was just too much.” Jess said, clear as day. 

 

As the world tumbled out of her mouth, Nick’s expression morphed from one of concern and worry to one of pure anguish and confusion.

 

“What?”

 

“Seeing you with Reagan killed me Nick. I didn’t realize I had  _ feelings  _ like that until after I had inserted myself into your relationship, but I just couldn’t do it anymore. And I didn’t want to say anything because you seemed so happy and I didn’t want to ruin anything for you. So I thought if I left and got some space, it would help.”

 

“Jess, I’m so sorry. I had no idea that it was affecting you.”

 

Nick looked like he had got hit by a ton of bricks. Jess knew he hated hurting her, and it wasn’t like he did it on purpose.

 

“No, Nick I didn’t say anything. In fact, I probably made it worse by inserting myself in your relationship all the time.” Jess laughed a little when she said this. 

 

“No, Jess. I should have known, I should have noticed how hurt you were. I was a horrible friend. Please forgive me? Please?” Nick begged. Taking hold of Jess’s hands again, tighter this time, he pleaded with his eyes for Jess to forgive him. 

 

“Nick, I forgive you.”

 

Nick let out a breath. “Thank you.” He dropped his head back against the wall. 

 

Jess nodded.  _ Well you got about half of what you wanted to say. Good job Day. C+ on the feelings comment though, you chickened out at the end. _

 

The pair sat in silence for a while, and Jess couldn’t help but to notice they were still holding hands. It was nice, to just sit and be with Nick again. She really did miss him and no matter what his feelings toward her were, she knew she could never be apart from him like that again. 

 

After what seemed like hours of sitting in a comfortable silence, just basking in each other, something seemed to snap in Nick’s head and he spoke. 

 

“Jess, can I tell you why Reagan and I broke up?”

 

“Of course, Nick. I’m sorry, I haven’t even really asked if you’re okay.”

 

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.” Nick shifted his body slightly so it was more turned toward Jess. The way they were sitting, backs up against a wall, side by side made her flash back to the game of True American where they almost kissed. Her thoughts were interrupted by Nick, though. 

 

“She never wanted to talk. Not about my day, or my childhood, or my past. Not about anything.”

 

“And you wanted too? I thought you hated talking about your feelings.” Jess smiled a little.

 

“Yeah well, that kinda changed after us. Actually, a lot changed after us. I like talking about stuff now. I kinda like having cleaner clothes on a regular basis. I like having a bank account and a credit score that doesn’t get me laughed out of a cell phone store. I wanted Reagan to be proud of all this, or live up to something, but she, - ah - fell short in a lot of categories when I thought about it. I kept comparing her, our whole relationship actually, to someone. I couldn’t figure out who. I think I’m fine because I wasn’t really as into her as I thought. I think she was just a placeholder for someone else.” Nick finished, looking directly at Jess the whole time, and squeezing her hands at the ending sentence. 

 

Jess was physically frozen in shock, eyes wide at the words Nick was speaking. Her mind, however, was anything but silent.  _ WHAT? He was comparing Reagan to you?? Is that what he is saying?? Was she a placeholder for you?? JESSICA SAY SOMETHING BACK _

 

Before she could interrupt, Nick continued. 

“Jess, when we broke up, it destroyed me. I was an idiot then, and truth be told I’m still an idiot, but I want different things now. I don’t want a house on Mars, I don’t want to be a long haul truck driver. I just want you, and whatever future I get with you, I’m gona be happy with.”

 

Jess’s body finally caught up to her brain, and she was able to speak. “I just want you too. I don’t want a lake house, and I don’t care if you don’t have a plan. None of that stuff really matters. But you do. You matter to me, Nick.”

 

Nick pulled something out from his pocket and placed it in Jess’s hands.

 

She looked down and saw a small quarter. Her breath caught in her lungs. It was _ the _ coin. From the night they first kissed. When he told her at her surprise birthday party. She was so overwhelmed, she didn’t know whether she wanted to bawl her eyes out or kiss the life out of him. 

 

“I never stopped carrying that coin, Jess. I never stopped caring about you. I never stopped loving you.” 

 

Her lips crashed down onto his, and Jess wasn’t even sure if he had gotten the full sentence out. Jess poured everything into that kiss- all the want, the need, the love and the desperation for him she had felt the past three years. Nick reciprocated tenfold, sharing the same intensity and  _ heat _ that he had missed so dearly since they broke up. This wasn’t a gentle kiss. No, this was a kiss to make up for everything that had occurred in the time since they were apart. It was magnetic, fiery, passionate, and dizzying. It literally took Jess’s breath away, and as she broke apart for air, resting her forehead on Nick’s, her ragged voice whispered “I love you Nicholas Miller.”

 

Nick went back in, this time placing a tender, slow and sensual kiss on her lips and pulling her to sit in his lap. As his arms curled around her, he pulled back just enough to say “I love you Jessica Day.”

 

A low groaning sound started, and a voice called out from above, “Ah, hello there! The part arrived and we should have this puppy up and running in no time. Just hang tight!”

 

Jess and Nick stood up, yelling thanks to the voice above them. 

 

They were hand in hand when the elevator sprung to life, and as they passed Dave the Elevator Repairman he smiled and said “Good luck, you two.”

 

Jess smiled up at Nick, saying “Thanks, but I don’t think we’ll need it.”

 

fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! This is my first fic in a while, but this hiatus is KILLING me and I had to get this nugget out of my head. A HUGE thank you to my BETA Hayley (lockedinabirdcage on tumblr). There will be two more chapters to this story, and the second will be out (hopefully) next week! You can find me on tumblr at friendlyneighborhoodroomfriend, Thanks!


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